When You're Gone
by lovelyladylily22
Summary: Buffy is trying to put together some semblance of a life after the events of Sunnydale. But she's haunted by the memory of a certain blonde vampire. When Willow discovers him alive in London, he begs her to hide him. She reluctantly agrees, knowing there's something different about Spike. Very Spuffy, some references to the comics, but mostly non-Canon.
1. Chapter 1

(Not that anyone whose read my other works will be surprised, but this is post-NFA, somewhat AU and mainly Spuffy. I fully intend on finishing If I Didn't Have You, but in the meantime, this is an unrelated idea I had and have to get down before I forget. I hope you'll enjoy it!)

The nightmare came again, as it had so often since that night in the Hellmouth. I don't even know why my mind keeps replaying it. Those last moments I shared with _him. _

_** I love you.**_

_** No you don't, but thanks for saying it. **_

We had left him behind, and in return, Spike had saved us by sacrificing himself. Now, all that I had left to remind me of the irritating, often shirty, usually mischievous vampire was his silver skull ring and his lighter. I had...borrowed the lighter. And never quite returned it before the battle. His skull ring had ended up in my possession as the result of a spell gone awry, and it had gotten misplaced for a long time afterward. Until the Potentials had moved in with us. While moving furniture, I had found it and intended to give it back to him. Now, I wear it around my neck on a chain.

Sitting up in bed, I reach for the drawer of my bedside table and take the lighter out. It reflects the moonlight coming in from the small window. Lying back against the pillows, I cradle it in one hand. I still cannot figure out why I can't get him out of my head. And I can't talk to the others about it.

I lie back and close my eyes, feeling exhausted. But sleep doesn't come. I study the lighter again, to give myself something to do. Something to get my mind off the nightmare. Of the flames that took him. Eventually, I close my eyes and allow a few tears (but not many) to leak out.

When Angel died, I felt sort of dead inside. But after Spike...after I had been dead myself...well, this time it's different. It _feels _different this time. But I can't explain why. After all I've spent far too long telling him and everyone else, especially myself, that I wasn't in love with him. I had even come to believe it. To believe that I didn't care for him. Especially after what happened before he went to get his soul. But that soul...it changed things. It changed him. Well, truthfully, it didn't. It brought out a different side of him that as already there. A better side.

I sigh and put the lighter away. Tonight, it is not helping calm my mind. I decide to do something I haven't done for quite sometime. Getting out of bed, I quietly get dressed so that I can go out on patrol and clear my head.

Quietly, so I don't wake up Dawn or the other girls who were staying with us, I leave the house. The air is cool in Cleveland, where we've been living for the past two months. Ever since Spike imploded the Hellmouth a year ago, we've been moving around every few months, looking for more girls imbued with the powers of the Slayer. But Cleveland sat on top of a Hellmouth. Faith and Xander had set up a sort of mini-Slayer Central here. Faith trained the girls we sent her and when they were ready, she sent them on to London. Dawn and I had been everywhere, but when Giles had offered us the chance to settle down, even temporarily, I jumped at it. I knew Dawn was looking forward to finishing school without having to move again. And me? I had been restless even when we were moving around, so I doubt staying in one place is going to make a difference. I sigh, shaking my head. I wish I could shake the thoughts of Spike and Sunnydale out of my head. I shiver slightly, though I'm not that cold. I head for the cemetery near our small house. But I don't make it far when my phone goes off. I smile down at it as I recognize the number as Willow's.

"Hey, Will. What's up?" Talking to Willow, as always, makes me feel better. But this time, there's something wrong. I can hear it in her voice as soon as she speaks.

"Buffy? It's Giles. Look, I know you're not on the best of terms with him after what he did to Spike. But...he had a heart attack early this morning." My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.

"What?" is all I can think to say.

"He's resting now. The doctors...well they _think_ he'll be okay. But only time will tell. Regardless, Buffy, I think you should..." I interrupt her.

"I'll be on the next flight to London." I sigh as we hang up and turn to head back to the house. Instead of waking all of the others, I leave a note for Dawn and wake Xander. He agrees to keep an eye on Dawn while I'm gone, though I know he'd rather come to London with me.


	2. Chapter 2

When he woke up, rain softly fell on him. But there was something wrong about it. It wasn't any sort of rain he had experienced in all of his time on Earth. That was his first clue. The other way the sky. Two suns hung low in the sky. He was covered in sunlight but didn't feel the slightest burning sensation. Spike was lying in something similar to sand, staring up at a red sky.  
"Oh, bloody hell. He finally did it, the big poof." He sits up. "Angel sent me to Hell." Spike shakes his head sadly. Just when he had finally convinced himself that he would find Buffy. If he had survived the fight against Wolfram and Hart, that was. He sighs heavily. Which he clearly hadn't. Something felt different though. He couldn't at that moment put his finger on it, so he decided to ignore it.  
Spike closes his eyes, enjoying the sunlight for a few moments longer. If this was Hell, he was going to enjoy the little things. But it didn't last long. Loud voices carried up from somewhere below him.  
Spike tries to make out the words, but he isn't familiar with the dialect. He sits up just as someone huge blocks out the sunlight. Huge hands grab him.  
"You bloody wanker, let go of me!" The demon hauls him to his feet and then releases him. "Uh, thanks?" He looks up at the huge demon, whose long horns glint wickedly in the sunlight.  
"We have been looking for you, Spike." The demon speaks in a guttural voice that is hard to understand. But at least it's English.  
"Fine, mate. But you don't need to go about it that way." He brushes himself off. "Now where are we? And what do you buggers bloody want with me?"  
"You will come with us. Our lord and master would like to have a word with you, Spike." Spike sighs and follows the demons as they head back down the hill.  
"This ought to be interesting at least." He mutters quietly to himself. The demons lead him through a town...or at least what once was a town. Now, it was a bunch of ruins. But in the middle of it all stood a castle. It was completely out of place, and Spike couldn't help but laugh at how wrong it looked.  
The demons lead him into the castle. They come to a grand hall where Angel sits on a throne. "Oh, this is just bloody perfect. All hail the bloody poofter, lord of...where in the name of Hell are we?" Spike glares at Angel and notices the dragon perched behind him. "Got ourselves a little pet, do we?"  
"It's good to see you too, Spike. Been wondering when you'd get here." Angel stands up and leaves the throne to come closer to Spike. He looks up at the demons. "Thank you. You may go now. I think you might find some food in the kitchen." The demons hungrily leave.  
"So, you're the lord of Hell? That makes far too much sense." Angel smirks at him.  
"Come on, Spike. There's a few people who would like to see you." Angel turns and walks through a hidden door behind the throne. Spike sighs, not knowing what else to do he follows Angel, muttering under his breath the whole time.


	3. Chapter 3

I landed in London and Will met me at the airport. She hugged me tightly and for the first time in forever I feel like I'm not actually alone. I smile at her as we pull apart.  
"I'm sorry to have to call you back to London, Buff. I know you don't really enjoy being here." I shrug as I grab my bags. I couldn't even begin to voice the reason to her. I couldn't even understand it completely myself. I sigh as we leave the airport.  
"In a weird way, Willow, I'm actually kind of happy to be here. To get out of Cleveland even temporarily." I smile at her. "Though I wish the circumstances were better." She nods. "How is Giles doing?"  
"He's...doing better. The doctors don't want him going back to work. And you can probably guess how well he's taking that advice." I roll my eyes.  
"Yeah, I can imagine." I shake my head. Willow heads for a car and I follow her. After we load my bags into it, we get in and Willow drives us to the newly built headquarters. Not that I ever saw the old one, but my first impression of the new one is awe. The building is huge. There is plenty of room for all of the new Slayers. The Council is slowly rebuilding. Far too many Watcher families were destroyed by the First.  
"The help of the Devon Coven is the only saving grace. Without their help...we wouldn't be able to protect the girls. There's just not enough Watchers anymore." Willow sighs. "But Andrew has turned out to be a pretty big help."  
I looked at her, slightly shocked. "Really? Andrew is helpful? Who would have thought?" I smiled, feeling lighter than I had for quite some time. We went inside, and someone checked my ID before letting us head for Giles' room.  
Giles is awake, a stack of papers on the bed in front of him. For so long, I have been angry at him for things that happened in Sunnydale. But one look at him, and I feel like the sixteen year old girl, still trying to figure out my place in the world. Giles had been there for me in tough times, but when he had a heart attack, I was an ocean away. I rush to his side, dropping my bag in the doorway.  
I sit down on the edge of his bed and wrap my arms around Giles. I bury my face in his shoulder, willing the tears not to come. They do anyway, though if I'm being honest, it's not just Giles' health that causes them. Giles hugs me back, and I once again have the strange feeling of being home, of belonging for the first time in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

((Been a LONG time coming, but here it is! The new chapter!))

Illyria sat in a chair in this new room. She looked up, a strange look crossing her face as she saw Spike. He couldn't tell just what, but Spike knew that something was wrong with her. Angel broke the silence to explain.  
"She's been messed up since we got here. Two weeks ago. I have no idea what the delay in your appearance was, but we arrived then. The last thing either of us remember is the fight with the demons Wolfram and Hart sent. Something must have happened to Illyria during the fight, but I don't have the resources to help her."  
Just then, Spike saw what he meant. A ripple seemed to pass over her skin, and Illyria changed. She took on Fred's appearance for a brief moment before turning into something...different. Spike couldn't even think how to describe it. And he knew, on some instinctual level that this was a bit of her original form. It was diluted by the humanity of Fred's body, but it was much different than her normal appearance.  
"Yeah, I can see that Mate." Spike sighs and moves closer to Illyria, as she regains her normal appearance. "Blue, are you all right?" She looks up at him puzzled.  
"I am fine. Why?" Spike shakes his head.  
"You don't know?" Again, she studies his face with a puzzled expression.  
"Know what?" Illyria stands up, appearing shaky. Spike reaches out to help her without thinking but she pushes him away. "I do not need the help of an insignificant little being like you." She moves away from him.  
"Glad to see you're in such a spectacular mood, blue." Spike sighs.  
"She's been like this since Wesley." Angel says as Illyria moves to a window in the small room.

"Technically, I am only a Lord by proxy. She's the real leader here. But since she's in no shape to lead," Angel shrugs, "I took over for her. Temporarily, anyway."  
"Uh huh. Sure. And when Blue is all better you'll give up that power? Sure, sure Angel." Spike shakes his head.  
"I'm trying to find a way to get us all home, actually. What are you doing to help?" Angel practically snarls. The two glare at each other.  
"ENOUGH. I am not in the mood to hear the two of you argue. Leave me in peace." Illyria moves back to the chair. Spike looks at her and raises an eyebrow at Angel.  
"Lets go, Spike. We can talk out in the hall." Angel turns to leave, and Spike follows him. "So when did it happen?"  
"When did what happen?" Spike looks at him confused.  
"Well, it's kind of obvious you aren't a vampire anymore." Spike stops walking.  
"I...I hadn't even thought about it to be honest. I guess I thought it was a part of being in Hell." Spike shrugs. "I have no idea when it happened. Come to think of it, I don't know anything about the last two weeks. It's all a blank."  
Angel raises an eyebrow, but sees nothing to make him think Spike is lying. He sits down in the throne and Spike rolls his eyes at the sight. "So we'll have to figure out where you've been the past two weeks. On top of trying to get home." Angel sighs and shakes his head.  
"Bugger that. I don't care where I was. If we can get back to Earth, I'll do just about anything, mate." Spike closes his eyes. Suddenly, he remembers what he had been dreaming about right before he woke up in the rain. He had been dreaming about her. The Slayer.  
_ She was curled up in bed, her arms held close. He could just make out the glint of silver in her hand, but couldn't tell what it was. She sobbed, her whole body racked with grief. In all the time he had known her, he had never seen her look so...SAD. His heart ached, and he wanted to go to her, to comfort her. But he couldn't make his limbs move._  
"Spike? Are you listening?" Angel's voice shook Spike out of his reverie.  
"Sorry, what?" He looked up and saw a perturbed look on Angel's face.  
"I was asking why you're in such a hurry to get back." Spike rolled his eyes but didn't answer. Angel didn't say anything for a while, reading Spike's answer in the silence. "You think she's suddenly going to be more available now that you're human. Right. That's going to happen." Angel shook his head.  
"It doesn't matter. We don't belong here. Well, maybe Blue does, but we don't. If not for Wolfram and Hart, we would still be fighting the good fight and all that."  
Angel raises an eyebrow at him but doesn't say anything to the contrary. "Okay, lets try to figure this out then." They spent the next few hours catching Spike up on the details of their new location.

:~:~:~:

After sitting with Giles for awhile, I give in to my jet lag. Willow shows me to a room I can stay in and I crash, almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. For a bit, I sleep soundly, but then the nightmare comes.  
_ We're down in the Hellmouth, back in Sunnydale. It's just Spike and I, the others have already gone up. The amulet is burning him from the inside out. I know what's coming, but I don't want to leave him. Not yet. He puts his hand up, trying to get me to leave. I reach for it, intertwining my fingers with his. He looks shocked for a moment. Our hands catch fire. Our eyes meet, and I know. I KNOW. It's now or never. _  
_ "I love you."_  
_ "No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." Everything rumbles again. I lose my grip on his hand. _

_ "Now go." I rush up the stairs, but I hear him say one last thing: "I wanna see how it ends." _  
I wake up, tears streaming down my face. For some reason, it was worse tonight then usual. I reach for the lighter again, glad I had thought to bring it. Curling up, I give in to the tears. I let them stream down my cheeks, and let the sobs rack my body. At least here, I don't really have to worry about worrying anyone, or scaring them. It feels so good to give in.  
I must have eventually fallen back asleep, because the next thing I know, it's morning. There was a knock at my door, and I groan as I get out of bed. I open the door, and am attacked by a red haired girl. At first, I barely recognize Vi.  
"Wow, Vi? You look amazing!" Vi steps away, and grins widely.  
"Thanks, Buffy. I owe it all to you. Training with the other Slayers has been great. I never imagined I could some of the things I have." Her enthusiasm is catching. My cloudy mood disappears rather quickly.  
"Let me get dressed, and we'll catch up. Okay?" She nods, practically bouncing with excitement. I smile as I close the door behind her. I move to the foot of the bed, where my suitcase is sitting. I find clothes for the day and get dressed before making the bed. The silver lighter tumbles out onto the thick carpet. I bend down to pick it up and am hit with a wave of emotion that is so strong it makes my chest hurt. I give in to the emotions for a bit. It feels good, though the tears don't come this time. After giving myself a few moments to feel, I stand up and head for the cafeteria for breakfast. I stick the lighter in my pocket, not wanting to leave it behind. The others are already there. I recognize several faces, but move to sit with Willow and Vi at a table.

:~:~:~:

Spike's mind was spinning by the time Angel and the others were finished. They had been there for weeks, and yet he hadn't; he had only just gotten there. Was it possible...no, he couldn't bear to think about it. Finally, Angel had Spike shown to a room.  
Spike sits on the bed, head in his hand. He had felt different from the moment he had woken up, but until that moment, it hadn't occurred to him that he might have been truly dead. Not just undead, but really dead. Did Buffy know? The thought circles his brain, making his heart ache again.  
Spike lays back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. If he had truly died, how had he ended up here? Were they all dead? Spike sighs and rolls over to his side. Closing his eyes, he can see her. Buffy's long blonde hair blowing slightly in the wind. He falls asleep, and dreams of her.  
He suddenly becomes aware of voices outside his door. With a sigh, he sits up. It feels like he had only just closed his eyes, but he feels well-rested. Standing up, Spike heads for the door. Just as he reaches for the doorknob, it opens. Two demons move quickly toward him.  
"Bloody hell! What the bugger is going on?" Without answering, one of the demons grabs him.

:~:~:~

I had finished lunch with Willow and Vi. I am on my way back to my room when it happens. One moment I am walking down the hall. The next? I have no idea where I am. But I know who I'm looking at: Spike. He's obviously wounded, ad in bad shape.  
"Oh Bloody HELL. As if it wasn't enough to be dead, and in Hell, now I'm hallucinating." I move towards him. He watches me curiously. I can't make my voice come out. "Buffy." He stands up, a bit wobbly. He reaches a hand out towards me. I can see that he half-believes he won't be able to touch me. The moment his fingers touch me, we both collapse into each other.  
After a few moments, I pull away to look at him. "Where are we, Spike?" He looks up at me, fear in his eyes. For the first time, I take in our surroundings. We appear to be in a cell of some kind. There's one high window, from which sunlight streams in. The sunlight streams over both of us, catching his hair. The sight nearly takes my breath away.  
"What...how are you not a big pile of dust?" I study his face and reach up to touch his hair.  
"Love, I don't know the specifics, and I don't know how you're here. But this? This is Hell, pet. And Angel messed up. He messed up big time." Spike collapses against me, unconscious, as if speaking took all of the energy he had.  
Gently, I carry him to the bed. But the moment I lie down beside him, a strange feeling comes over me. It's like I'm suddenly disconnected from everything. I feel like I am floating. I collapse onto the bed beside Spike, reaching out desperately for him.  
A moment later, I wake up. Someone is shaking me roughly, calling out my name. I open my eyes and find myself staring up at Dawn's panicked face. As soon as she sees I'm awake, she hugs me tightly. "Buffy! I thought...What happened?" I touch my sister's face, trying to calm her.  
"I'm not entirely sure of the myself, Dawny. Why are you home from school?" Dawn pulls back and studies my expression.

"Did you forget? Spring break, Buff. I told you I'd come to London to see you."

"I'm sorry, Dawny. The date must have slipped my mind." I start to stand up, but Dawn forces me to remain sitting.  
"Willow went to get a doctor. She'll be back in just a second." That's when I realize I'm laying on the floor of the hall near my room. I sigh. I know that I can't even begin to describe what just happened, let alone understand it. Dawn sits down beside me, still looking at me worriedly. I sigh again.  
"I'm fine, Dawny. I don't know what happened, but I promise I'm fine." I reach for her hand as Willow returns with a doctor. After that, there isn't time for any other thoughts. I don't have a spare second to think about the time I spent with Spike, and because of this, it slips my mind completely.


	5. Chapter 5

Spike wakes up some time later. He sits up. Buffy is gone, but he's positive she was there. He sighs, resting his head in his hands.  
Hours earlier, the demons had knocked him out and brought him here. When he woke up, someone had been in his room. An elderly man, or at least he assumed it was a man, had been sitting in the chair. He had explained to Spike why he was there. Angel had caused a war of sorts among the formerly peaceful demon nations. A revolution had occurred. Anyone who had anything to do with Angel was being punished. After all, they were all considered guilty.  
The door of his cell opening snapped Spike out of his reverie. He looks up. Two huge demons enter. Roughly, they grab him and pull him up and out of the cell. Spike fights, but only injures himself in the process.  
The demons drag Spike out of the cell and down a long corridor. Spike slumps, realizing it's useless to fight. The demons carry him into a large room. Sitting on the throne in the middle of the room is Illyria. But she looks strange, as though she isn't quite aware of her surroundings.  
Spike is thrown at her feet. He looks up at her. "What is going on, Blue?"  
"My pet." Illyria says, something almost like compassion in her voice. But it was strange. Illyria never had compassion. With shock, Spike looks up at her.  
"What is going on? You seem different." Illyria stood up and rushed him, grabbing him by the throat.  
"You are worthless. You are nothing. Do not tell me how I am. You could not possibly understand."  
Spike gasps. It appears that, although he doesn't feel entirely human, he needs air. Instead of making her release him, however, his gasps make Illyria tighten her grip. Spike begins to see black spots dancing across his line of vision. Then, the blackness takes over, and for a moment or two he is aware of nothing.  
When he wakes up again, something has changed. He isn't in the Hell dimension. He's not sure how he can tell that, however. His eyes adjust to the light, and he finds himself looking down at Buffy's sleeping form.

I was having a weird dream. In it, images of Spike in the sunlight made me ache for him. I must have been crying in my sleep, because I wake up with damp cheeks. Weirder than that is the face staring down at me that makes me squeal. I jerk up out of bed in panic, nearly headbutting the figure standing over me.  
"Bloody hell, Slayer!" Spike nearly collapses to the ground.  
"Spike? What in the name of Mr. Gordo is going on?" I move to him, just as his knees buckle.  
"I really wish I knew, love." He sinks to the ground. I touch his cheek. His voice seems hollow, and seems to grow fainter the more he talks. "Love, I don't know how long I have but I want to tell you that I love you. More than anything, Buffy." After saying my name, he disappears suddenly. It's as though he evaporates. Shaking, I grab hold of the bed to steady myself. Tears stream down my face.  
For the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to wonder if I might be going insane. After all, seeing your dead vampire 'boyfriend' who sacrificed himself to save the world cannot be healthy. Still, I know I can't tell anyone. No one knew how I felt about Spike. Heck, in truth I didn't know how I felt about him. Not until it was far too late, anyway.  
I sit down on the bed with a heavy sigh. He had felt so real. Both times I've seen him. I lay back down on my bed, curling up. It's still very early. Maybe I can get some more sleep before the Council meetings in the morning.  
It would seem that there has been a disaster in LA. We're not sure what exactly happened, and Giles hasn't been able to contact Wesley in nearly two weeks. So, he had decided to send a group of Slayers and Coven members to LA. And, of course, I was selected to go with them. I want to stay behind, and spend time with Dawn. Especially if, as I suspect, Angel is somehow involved.  
I manage, finally to doze off. It feels like I've just fallen asleep when there's a knock on the door. Groaning, I get up to answer it. Willow stands on the other side.  
"We're leaving for LA this afternoon. It's all been arranged." I nod, feeling like there's a weight in my stomach.  
"Let me get my things, and I'll be ready." Willow nods, and leaves me to pack a bag. Quickly, I throw things into a bag, making sure to take the lighter and skull ring. It seems silly, but I feel like they've become a part of me. When I'm done, I head down to find Willow. I gladly take on the distraction of preparations as a reason to not ponder whether or not it's possible that I am going insane.


	6. Chapter 6

Spike finds himself back in the cell in the Hell dimension. He feels strange, almost sick. He shivers violently, his body contracting. If he has a fever, he supposes, that might explain the hallucinations he's been experiencing.  
Buffy felt so real to him, but now, he's not so sure it wasn't just a trick of his mind. His throat aches and he reaches up to touch it wincing as he does. He sits up, still shaking from the chills.  
The cell door opens and Illyria comes through it. Spike looks up at her, and can't help cringing away ever so slightly. "My pet. Look at me." Spike does, glaring up at the Old One. Illyria doesn't seem fazed by his expression. She moves to him. "I am sorry for injuring you." There actually sounds like a hint of regret in her voice. It makes Spike even more wary.  
The cell door opens again. Both Illyria and Spike look up as Gunn comes in. Something strange crosses Illyria's face as Gunn enters the cell. "What is he still doing here? I thought you were going to get rid of him?" Gunn demands of Illyria, glaring at Spike. During the fight in LA, Gunn was turned into a vampire. This, however, is the first time Spike has seen him since the battle. The look Gunn shoots him is full of hatred.  
Spike stands up, slightly wobbly. Illyria reaches out to grab him, her hand tightening painfully over his arm. Spike glares at her. "Let me go, Blue."  
"No. I will not. There are things you do not know. Things I have neither the time nor the inclination to tell you. But what matters is you're not safe." Spike fights the urge to roll his eyes at her. "I am attempting to help you. You need to get out of here." Illyria pulled Spike towards the door.  
Spike allows himself to be pulled out of the cell, curious to see what is going on. He is led out of the castle-type building. Illyria leads him to a tunnel. "Go, my pet. The sooner you get away from here, the better. They're coming."  
"Who are coming? What's going on Blue?" She shakes her head instead of answering. With a sigh, Spike heads down into the tunnel.

Unbeknownst to Buffy, Willow had been tracking Angel's movements for awhile. So she knew the moment Angel left Earth. She had a suspicion that he hadn't just simply died, though.  
So, as they fly to the US, Willow does another spell. Just a minor one, but it allows her to know that they are going to be facing huge hordes of demons. She sighs, knowing Buffy is in no shape to fight demons in her current state of mind.  
When they land, Buffy and Willow head for a local hotel. Destruction and chaos surround them. "And here I thought it was impossible to get a cab in LA before." Willow looks up at Buffy, who seems...different. Almost better. Is it possible that she's moving on, finally. They get to the hotel, which is almost completely abandoned, except for a tired woman sitting behind the desk. She looks up as they come in.  
"What are you two, insane? No one should be in LA. Don't tell me you're here on vacation." Willow shakes her head.  
"Afraid we're here on business. Do you have a room?" The woman sighs.  
"We have a bunch of them, actually. Take your pick." She hands Willow a master key. "We are completely empty. No one wants to stay in LA." The woman turns her attention back to the book she's reading.  
Buffy and Willow head up to find a room. After dropping off their stuff, they head out to explore a bit. They come across the ruins of Wolfram and Hart. Willow senses something horribly dark in the area, but she can't put her finger on the exact source. They find their way to what remains of the Hyperion. Willow explains to Buffy that this was the headquarters of Angel Investigations before they teamed up with Wolfram and Hart.  
They head inside to check it out. Buffy has a strange look on her face as they move around the ruins. But Willow can't quite put her finger on it. She watches her friend without being too obvious about it.


	7. Chapter 7

((I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE DIALOGUE IN THE FLASHBACK. It's from Touched. And it has a moment of language in it. Before you complain, it is taken DIRECTLY from the Ep, no ad-libbing))

Willow watches me but I pretend not to notice. Looking around, I can almost see why Angel liked this place. It screams him, somehow. But this place could never feel like home to me. With a sigh, I turn to Willow.  
"I don't think we're going to find anything useful. It might be better if we wait for the girls to get here and return to the Wolfram and Hart ruins." Willow nods in agreement.  
"I think you're right. Until we have more hands to help, we're not getting anywhere." We decide to head back to the hotel. The teams of Slayers should be here tonight. Meanwhile, I feel overcome by a severe case of jet-lag.  
As soon as we get to the hotel, I crash. I fall into a dreamless sleep, which is actually a blessing. At least it's not the terrible nightmares I've been having lately, or the weird Spike hallucinations. It's late in the afternoon when Willow comes to wake me up.  
"Buff. The girls are about to land. I thought you'd want to go back to the ruins as soon as possible." I sit up.  
"Thanks, Will. Give me just a minute, and I'll be ready." Willow nods and leaves the room. I stand up and change clothes quickly. I head downstairs to meet Willow. We head back to the airport to meet the teams of Slayers.  
"Is Andrew's team coming?" I ask her curiously. Willow nods.  
"Giles figured he would be a very good asset here, since he brought Dana back from LA after..." Willow pauses making me slightly suspicious, but she continues before I can ask: "After what happened with her and all. His team has been trying to keep the Roman branch of Wolfram and Hart at bay since everything went down out here." I nod.  
"How soon do we have, you think, until Wolfram and Hart regroups?" Willow shrugs.  
"Days? Maybe weeks? We're talking about an evil multimillion dollar corporation with a virtually infinite bank account. The fact that they haven't already gathered for an attack is quite surprising." I sigh.  
"Okay, so not only do we have to worry about whatever is going on here, but we have to worry about the demonic law firm regrouping and coming after us." She nods.  
We wait for the flight to get in. I wonder if any of the girls from the battle in Sunnydale would be coming. Of course, that thought stirs memories of Spike, specifically of his sacrifice. I close my eyes and give in to the wave of emotions and memories.  
_ I had been kicked out of the house. Truthfully, I saw their point. I didn't _agree_ with it, but I saw it. _And maybe they were right,_ a small voice in my head kept saying. _  
_ I kicked an old man out of his house, something I would later hate myself for. I hadn't been alone in the house long when the knocks came. I ignored them, but then Spike came in anyway. Out of everyone who might have come to find me, he was the one I probably needed most, though I never would have admitted that then. _  
_ "There you are. Do you realize I could just walk in here? No invite needed. This town really is theirs now. I heard. I was over there. That bitch!" He sighed. "She's all about the smiles and reformation when you're on your feet, but the moment you're down, she's all about the kicking. Isn't that right? Makes me want-" I interrupted him._  
_ "It wasn't just Faith. It was all of them. And it's not like they were wrong." I looked at him for just a moment before looking away again. "Please leave." _  
_ "No. This'll change your tune. I came here 'cause I've got something to tell you." He put an added emphasis on the next three words. "You were right. Caleb _is_ trying to protect something from you. And I think you were spot-on all the way. I think it's at the vineyard. So? You were right. Buffy?" _  
_ I spoke in a very soft voice. "I don't feel very right." Spike moved a little closer to me._  
_ "You're not foolin' me." I looked at him._  
_ "What do you even mean?"_  
_ "Well, you're not a quitter."_  
_ "Watch me." I looked away again._  
_ "You were their leader." He said, adamantly. "And you still are. This isn't something you gave up. It's something they took" Again, I look at him._  
_ "And the difference is?" _  
_ "We can take it back" I sat up._  
_ "No."_  
_ "No?"_  
_ "No."_  
_ "You mean no as in, 'eventually'?" Spike pushed._  
_ "You really have problems with that word, don't you?"_  
_ "You can get them back!" He insisted, ignoring my jibe._  
_ "Can? Maybe. Should?" I sniffled and covered my face. "I'm just so tired." _  
_ "They need you!" I looked up at him again._  
_ "Well, I-" He interrupted._  
_ "It's bloody chaos over there without you!" _  
_ "It is?"_  
_ "Yeah! Yeah." Even I can tell his tone is forced. "It's uh-there's junk. You know, food cartons. Sleeping bags not rolled up. Everyone's very scared and, uh, unkempt."_  
_ "Sounds dire." He sat down beside me on the bed._  
_ "I didn't see a lot. I came, hit Faith a bunch of times, and left." I looked at him, a bit shocked. _  
_ "Really? I mean, not that I'm glad, but-" _  
_ "You say the word, and she's a footnote in history. I'll make it look like a painful accident." In that moment, I knew he'd do it. I also knew I'd never ask him to. As tempting as it would be at times. _  
_ "That's my problem. I say the word, some girl dies. Every time." _  
_ "There's always casualties in war." _  
_ "Casualties in-it just sounds so...casual. These are...girls. That I got killed. I cut myself off from them. All of them. I knew I was gonna lose some of them, and...I didn't-"I sighed and stood up, moving away from the bed before turning to face him. "You know what? I'm still making excuses. I've always cut myself off. I've always-" Again, I sighed. "Being the Slayer made me different. But it's my fault I stayed that way. People are always trying to connect to me. And I just...slip away." I scoffed. "You should know."_  
_ "I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting."_  
_ "Oh please. We were never close. You just wanted me because I was...unattainable." He glared up at me and stood up._  
_ "You think that's all that was? _  
_ "Please, let's not go over the past." I sat back down._  
_ "Oh, no, no! Oh, let's hold on here! I've hummed along to your pity ditty. I think I should have the mic for a bit." _  
_ "Fine. The stage is yours. Cheer me up."_  
_ "You're insufferable."_  
_ "Thank you. That really helped."_  
_ "I'm not tryin' to cheer you up." _  
_ "Then what are you trying to say?" _  
_ "I don't know! I'll know when I'm done sayin' it. Something pissed me off, and I just—'unattainable', that's it. _  
_ "Fine. I'm attainable. I'm a- I'm an 'attain-a-thon.' May I please just go to sleep?" Spike knelt down in front of me._  
_ "You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood... which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You..." He started to touch my face but hesitated, his fingers inches from my skin. "Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the One, Buffy." In that moment, I knew. Not only that his feelings for me were purer than I had ever realized before, but also that I had feelings of my own for him. That the feelings I had pushed away and denied for so long were there. And they were much deeper than I had ever imagined._  
_ "I don't want to be the One."_  
_ "I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear." I chuckled and moved to lie down. Spike stood up again. "You get some rest now. I'll check in before first light. You can decide how you want." _  
_ "Spike." He turned to look at me from the door. "Could you...Stay here?" He looked shocked, speechless by my question for a moment, then looked at the chair in the room. _  
_ "Sure. That diabolical old torture device, the comfy chair." He took off his jacket. "It'll do me fine."_  
_ "No. I mean...here." I moved to make room for him on the bed. "Will you just hold me?" He joined me, wrapping an arm around me and I felt safer and happier than I had for a very long time._  
Willow shakes me out of my reverie. "Buff? Are you all right? You got all distant and completely tuned me out."  
"Sorry Will. I just sort of got lost in my own head. I'm all good now. Promise."  
"Good, because the girls just landed." Willow points to the doors. Several girls come out of them. Willow and I move to meet them.


	8. Chapter 8

((Short Chapter, because I just couldn't wait to update it! Hope you enjoy!))

Following the tunnel quickly wore Spike out. He stops, leaning against the side to try to catch his breath. He's even more certain now that something is seriously wrong with him, aside from just being human. The fever burns through his mind, and he starts to see...things. The majority of what he sees are memories of people he had hurt and killed throughout the years he had been a monster. They haunt him like ghosts.  
He slumps down against the wall, slipping in and out of unconsciousness for a long time. He is unaware of the passage of hours. After two hours, someone finds Spike in the tunnels and drags him out. Spike is on the edge of consciousness, not quite aware of what's happening around him.  
"Geez, Spike. What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into now?" The figure dragging Spike from the tunnel said, as they near the entrance. Bright sunlight streams in and the figure pulls Spike back into the shadows. Spike mumbles.  
"Bloody hell. What is going on?" He tries to wrench his arm away, his eyes unfocused as he tries (and fails) to figure out who is holding him.  
"Settle down, Spike. You're safe. I've been trying to find you for some time now." The figure kneels down in front of Spike. Spike's vision begins to fade to black again, but he catches a vague glimpse of a familiar face before he is overcome again.

Clem had known Spike hadn't stayed dead after Sunnydale. He also knew Spike had been involved in the battle in LA. So when he decided to find Spike, Clem enlisted the help of a witch. Who at first, couldn't tell him where Spike was. And then, against all odds, it changed. She had called him, told him where to go, and Clem had done it. He found Spike passed out and clearly feverish. Not knowing what was wrong, he dragged Spike from the tunnel, but knew he shouldn't be seen in the highly populated area.  
Clem stayed by Spike's side for the rest of the afternoon, until it was dark enough for them to safely leave the tunnel. But where to go? Clem hadn't been in London long. He had no idea where may be safe. Dragging Spike through alleys and back-roads quickly made it clear that Clem needed to find some place safe nearby. Then he remembered something Spike had once mentioned briefly.  
The Pratt house had been maintained throughout the centuries. Spike had set up a trust to ensure it was kept in good shape. Boarders had lived there for most of the time, but currently, it sat empty. And it was only three blocks away. Clem dragged Spike in that direction.


	9. Chapter 9

Willow and I got the girls settled into rooms at the hotel. Then, I head out. I want just a little time to explore on my own. I tell Willow where I'm going and that I am well prepared.  
With the scythe, I head for the ruins of Wolfram and Hart. Demons are out in force now that the sun is down, and I have killed many before I even come close to the ruins. And it quickly becomes clear that I won't be able to stay at the ruins long. It is almost literally crawling with demons.  
When I feel a tap on my shoulder, I spin around. A green faced demon stands in front of me in rags. I start to raise the scythe, but he holds up a hand.  
"I'm not going to hurt you. I swear." He speaks quietly. I study his face but nod. Something about him strikes me as trustworthy.  
The demon leads me towards a building, barely standing. He leads me over to a bar, and I can't help but wonder how it is still standing. It looks as if a bomb has gone off here.  
"Look, unless you want me to call you demon-green, I should probably know who you are." I say.  
"You can call me Lorne, Ms. Summers." I blink.  
"How do you know who I am?" I study his face, sure I've never encountered him before.  
"Buffy Summers, I know quite a bit about you. Not just as the fabulous Slayer, either. I have had friends who spoke quite highly of you. Though, most of the time, they were bickering at the mere mention of your name." Lorne grins at me.  
"Wait..." I think a moment. "You know Angel?" I can't fathom who the others would be though.  
"Oh yes. I worked closely with Angel. Up until he brought Hell down on top of us." Lorne sighs and pours himself a drink. "'Course, Spike was the one who spoke of you most often." I had been studying my hands trying to figure it out, but suddenly my head pops up and I glare at Lorne.  
"How could you possibly know Spike? He died." Lorne chuckles softly.  
"Oh my dear. You really don't know, do you?" I narrow my eyes at him.  
"Know what?"  
"Spike did die in Sunnydale. But then he came back. Wolfram and Hart brought him back. At first, he was incorporeal and sort of stuck. But when he became corporeal again, he was convinced that you would ever love him. So he fought alongside Angel." I shake my head, trying to make sense of it.  
"No. That's...that's just not possible. If Spike was alive, he would have contacted me. He would have-"  
"Would he though? After you made it clear you weren't in love with him? I saw his aura, darling. I know how messed up over you he was." He empties his glass and pours another. Then he grabs another glass and pushes it towards me.  
"Oh, I...err...don't really drink."  
"Trust me. You need it." I sigh and drink it. The alcohol burns on the way down and I cough. Lorne grins at me.  
"So what do you want from me?" I look up at him again.  
"I want your help. If we can bring them back, Angel and the others I mean, we can fight what is happening here." Lorne drinks his second glass. I sigh.  
"Bringing them back from whatever Hell dimmension they're in won't be easy."  
"No, it won't. But it IS possible." Lorne holds his empty glass up in a toast. I smile.  
"Well, then, I guess I am in."

Willow hoped Buffy was okay. Her friend seemed to be slipping away everyday, spiraling into a depression worse than anything Willow had seen before. And she had seen Buffy pretty low before. But when Buffy came back that night, things were almost scarily different.  
Buffy was smiling. Truly smiling, without faking it at all. Willow wanted to be happy, but a nagging suspicion took hold of her. What could possibly have happened to change her mood so drastically? But Buffy refused to talk about it around the other Slayers.  
The next morning, Buffy was up early, working out and training with a few of the girls. It almost seemed like Buffy didn't want Willow to find her alone. While she had time, Willow decided to do another locator spell, hoping against hope that something would change. She was completely unprepared when it did. When she got a ping, a hint that Spike was in London. She couldn't believe it. She was sure she had done something wrong.  
So, she tried it again. And the results were exactly the same. Buffy needed her to stay in LA, but as soon as they were home, Willow would keep looking for Spike. Until then, Willow would help here in LA.  
So, when it was time, Willow went with the girls to explore the ruins of the Wolfram and Hart LA headquarters. Buffy lead the way, wielding the scythe. They didn't run into any demons in the daylight, however.

I lead the way to the ruins feeling more buoyant than I have for a very long time. Spike is out there somewhere, and I will fight to bring him back. Whatever it takes.  
The ruins are seemingly deserted when we get there. We dig through the rubble for quite some time, looking for clues. If Lorne is right, and Angel brought this about, I want to know just how. Maybe then, we can reverse it.  
After a few hours, all of us are hot and tired. So we head back to the hotel. Finally, I decide it's time to face Willow. To tell her what I've learned and my plan.  
"Will?" I ask as I knock on the door to her room.  
"Come in, Buffy." I open the door and head inside. "What's up?" Willow asks, her tone suspicious.  
"I found some things out and I wanted to talk to you about them." She nods for me to continue. With a sigh, I do. "I met a demon named Lorne. He knew Spike. And Angel." Willow nods.  
"I remember hearing about Lorne, though I don't think I ever actually met him when I came out here." I nod and continue.  
"Last night, he found me, and told me some things. Like the fact that Spike didn't stay dead after Sunnydale. He came back. He even worked alongside Angel for awhile." Willow looks away, and I know something is up. But I continue. "Apparently, Angel called all Hell down onto LA when he fought the Senior Partners of Wolfram and Hart here." I gesture to the window. "Hence the destruction. Now, Angel and everyone that helped him are trapped in a Hell dimension, and only they know how to stop what is going on here." I sit down on the bed beside her. "But we can't use them until we get them back."  
Willow looks up at me, her eyes sad. "Buffy, I don't know. I want to get them back. But...I don't know if I can. I don't know if I have that kind of power." I look up at her.  
"I know you do, Will. I have faith you do. And I also know you won't go dark." Willow sighs.  
"I knew. I mean, I wasn't completely sure, but I had heard rumors that Spike wasn't really dead." She looks away.  
I bite my lip. I had already figured as much. But I don't say so. Not right now. I need her help. Making her feel bad about it won't get us anywhere. "Please, Willow. Even if you don't want to do it for me, I understand. But we need to stop what's happening here. Before anyone else gets hurt. Or worse." Willow looks up at me. She sighs.  
"Fine. But I'll need to make some calls. And get some things together."  
"Thanks Will." I hug her and get up to leave. "I'm going to go talk to Lorne. I'll be back soon." I head back to the bar Lorne lead me to the night before.


End file.
